Confessions

I love gothic people! They’re so much more like me. I’m gonna make friends with a bunch of goths.

Sometimes I eat smelly foods to piss my boss off. I hate her.

I told my boyfriend I’d like him to have sex with me using lots of jelly (not cubes, like the made up stuff). I think he thought I was joking so I’m going to pretend it was.

im sorry i hurt you

in japan 10,000 or more people have died. and all we can do is fight…why? because you are married and i was once married and i guess i have not given up on being married again. you want me to give that up. you say you don’t–you say you want me to want that. but really you want me to stop wanting anything.

circumstances under which you will leave him: none. ok, you say you’ll leave him if he says you can’t see me anymore, or if he stops me from seeing the baby. i don’t even believe that–maybe i do.

circumstances under which you will leave me: if i am imperfect in my ability to emotionally connect with you.

nice.

i just bought my first sex toy online, the packaging is supposed to be discreet, but I’m terrified my parents will figure it out

I’ve given up. I have submitted completely to the autonomation that is the corporate, consumerist world. I have no want to share my life with another human being. I have been used up and dried out and I cannot wait until the day I die.

I gave and gave, and when I didn’t have anything left, I gave again and again. They took from me all I had, and it was never enough for any of them. None of them were a good fit and none of them want me. Nobody ever will. I’m worn out. I hate people so much that the caring I used to have is now gone.

I used to care so much. I cared so much that it hurt. I cared about others, I wanted to share my life with others, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be loved. But nobody else wanted that from or for me. Nobody ever found me good enough.

And so I will fade into the corporate world, working for a large company, where I will be a faceless machine, sitting in front of a computer that will probably have more personality than I do before too long. What I do doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters anymore.

I’m 21.

I want to trust you but I’m having issues just trying to- and not because of me but because of all the shitty things you did. I see you becoming more stable but it has taken a lot of work, a lot of battle and you leaned on me hard to get this far. I’m glad I could help but at the same time I am worn thin with hurt at you. And I don’t know what to do about that.

Why wouldn’t you unpack your bags and put your shit in it’s rightful place for me? Now look at us.

i bought gifts, made face time, wrote letters, it didn’t matter, nice guys finish last always….they still want the lazy, insincere, and absentees, why, they don’t even need the money…they work because its fun to talk to other people…ugh, they are nice so its hard to hate on them, but what about me? Why me? Don’t I deserve to be on top for once???

I lie about everything. No one knows the real me.

My girlfriends names is Shapes.
She has synisthesia. and I love her so much.
Because I see things too.

I work away from home and it is killing me! I don’t get to see my family; my wife and two young children. My wife has to be the “single mom” while I am away. I want to just quit and run home, but I know that won’t work. My wife has been very strong through this whole ordeal, and it will be over in just a few months, but the kids are being affected by it. My oldest son won’t sleep and now he is beginning to revert back to infancy by needing his blanket everywhere he goes and refusing to go to day care for my wife. This sucks.

If I’m in a room and someone leaves it (esp my boyfriend), I always do lunges cos it makes me feel better. Sometimes I do it so much my legs go really far apart and I fall over. If someone comes back in I always say I tripped over.

I think I am falling for my best friend.

And we are of the same gender.
It is really awkward. I don’t understand anything anymore.

I think I am turning bi. Which I don’t mind.

But what will my family and friends think?

Last night was the first time I contemplated suicide for a selfish reason. All the other times I believed offing myself would free my family of a burden, but last night I wanted an escape. It’s really kind of disturbing. So, to silence my never-ending thoughts, I’m going to jack off and surrender to the awesomeness that is post-coital slumber.

Hopefully I don’t wake my wife.

you suck at life. maybe if you didnt fuck over everyone that cared you wouldnt feel so alone, but you deserve all of this. have a wonderful life, i know i will.

There is nothing more rewarding in life than finding what your passions in life are. Nothing beats the feeling of wanting to do something you love for the rest of your life. I have finally found mine.

He’s in love with me. He loves me. I don’t know what this is… no one has ever loved me.

How do I trust this?

He loves me.

Do I love him or do I just not want to be alone? i dont want to hurt him. but i also dont want to be without him. or alone. i think i love him. but im not sure.

HOW ARE YOU SURE?

oh god. the gin is not sitting well with the power bar.

I felt on top of the world yesterday because it felt like I let you back in a little bit. I’ve missed you so much. It’s been 12 months and the feelings haven’t gone away. I know you’re wary but put in a few late shifts and lets build on this. Come back to me and I promise I will try.