Confessions

I’m sorry I don’t about you the same why. But, so many people have told me they love me, and it scares me. Am I really that lovable? I love you guys. But, I only love Oscar like the way I love you guys. I feel horrible, for leading you guys on. It feels like cheating sometimes. I like to talk to you guys, If I stop, I dunno. I’m scared. I have all these feelings, and I dunno what to do.

I don’t want to do this.

What do you do when you can’t love? The problem is I can’t trust anyone enough to love them. Or at least to let them love me. I’ve tried getting help but its getting to the point where it is what it is. I know who I am, and that person is alone. Its too late for hope. I feel like doing something desperate.

In case you haven’t realized it yet, you hurt me. You really, really hurt me. And quite frankly, I’m insulted by the fact that you can even think I’ll allow you to get that close to me again.
It’s not going to happen again. I will never make that mistake again.

i thought about you today for the first time in a while. i was thinking about what it would be like to have sex with you.

why do i dream of you and not about my boyfriend who I am in love with?

The prospect of another day in this life makes me want to end it all.

I am so absolutely in love with my cousin, it haunts me. I think of him non-stop. Always.

I have so much to offer, but no one wants it. I’ve never had a bf, can’t get a job, don’t even have a friend right now.

i miss u. i haven’t stopped missing you for the last years. i miss what it could have bappened had i had the courage to walked out…
i hope you are happy. you gave me such joy. i love you with all my heart.

Im a 24 year old virgin.

I cheated on my boyfriend yesterday. I don’t know why or how but i don’t feel bad right now. I wish i felt bad and I wish I felt something.

I’m sorry I am an awful person because I respect myself enough not to send you pornographic photos.
That’s not me I refuse to be the stereotype, just another pretty face, or a sad statistic.

yay, it will all be over soon!!!

Today I went to the gyno, went to the mall and charged a whole bunch of shirts for spring, and went out with my mom to go vote. I’d just thrown on some old (and honestly too-tight) RLR rugby shirt, but one of the volunteer woman looked at me as I was leaving and said “I love that shirt! I want a shirt like that!” to which another, older woman said “I want to LOOK like that.” My boyfriend misses me. My best friend misses me. My parents miss me when I’m away at school.

When did all this happen? When did I get old enough to need gyno appointments and to be eligible to vote? When did I stop being ugly, friendless, and unloved? I wish I could step back and apperciate it, but it’s so novel and things were so shitty for so long that I’m terrified this is some precarious and temporary thing that’s going to go away soon.

I’m a lesbian. I’ve known it for a long, long time, and I’ve fallen for alot of girls, but none of them was love. They said they loved me, but I never felt it back. So now I’ve met someone else, and I’ve told her I loved her, but she isn’t into girls. And even though she knows I love her, she still wants to be my friend. I know it’s supposed to make me feel better, but somehow it just makes me feel shallow.

Auti has a crush on meeee. o3o

I used to think I had so many problems. I’d listen to my friends, and think that their problems didn’t matter as much as mine. Then one day it hit me. Everybody has problems. Some people even come up to me and tell me their problems. If they didn’t tell me their problems, I would of thought they were some the happiest people alive. But, everybody has problems. Since everybody has problems, he must have problems as well. To think that there’s something out there pestering him, that makes me feel helpless. But what is ironic, is that it’s him that pesters me. To think that he’ll never love me like I do him, makes me feel helpless. So, I have problems, he have problems, you have problems, everybody has problems. THE END

I know I’m always mean to you when all you try to be is nice to the socially awkward girl that I am. I really didn’t mean to snap at you when you bought me food, or when you started calling me sweet little nicknames… I just never know how to react. I don’t have a lot to tell you so I just say what goes through my mind and they aren’t nice things. I’m sorry… I really feel guilty and ashamed about being so mean to you, I am just not used to feeling anything, I’m so used to just being in my own bubble when I’m at work… I just feel like you’ll just be another guy whom I expect too much from and that will reject me if I tell you about how much I think about you. I know it’s not a good excuse, but it’s all I’ve got. I’m working on it, for both our sakes. I’ll try and be smiley and happy this week so that when we work together this weekend I’ll actually look how you make me feel inside. Thanks for caring.

two years ago i wanted nothing more than you
to the point that i didn’t consider your immature life choices.
you know, like the one about not getting a job and expecting everyone else to do every little fucking thing for you. or the fact that you bitch about not getting your financial aid when it’s your fault for not really trying you know set backs happen, but you have WAY more importain things to do!!! (you know, like not showering or cutting your toe nails or WORKING or trying to get ahead in ANY way. i hate that i get 200 dollars a month and am trying to improve my life, and you just seem to be an accessory in the van i live in. Atleast the dog doesn’t smoke half of my tobacco or spend all of her food stamps on EXPENSIVE CRAP and have a balance of 0 by the end of the week.(true, she doesnt GET food stamps, but she lives off of $20 a month, and never whines about stupid shit.
two years ago i was willing to deal with your inexperience in bed
now, im just so sick of having the same fucking sex over and over again. i hate that i need to initiate everything, it’s so bread-and-butter it makes me sick.
I hate that i look around my van, and everything of any value, of any use, is contributed by me, even the van itself!!

if i wasn’t so afraid and your family wasn’t so nice to me i’d drop your ass.
all of my friends think i should dump you too.

you are going to give/do nothing for me on my birthday. just like the last two years.
that will be my excuse.

maybe then i wont have to sleep in a small corner on the bed.

Eifi has a cute butt >o> ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥