Confessions

i’m finally ready to fall in love, i wonder with who though!

The girl I’m in love with is moving to California. I live in Indiana.

I’ve worked so hard, and we were finally getting close. We kissed, we made love.

It’s all over now.

I’m not good enough for you. And I know it. You’ll outgrow me soon.

On whatever level it is, and for whatever reason, I do want you. Maybe it’s time I stop rationalizing and analyzing the reason. The feelings are still there. I just can’t bring myself to talk to you, but do hope those restricted calls are you. I might never talk to you again, but in the meantime, I just really hope it hurts. The best part is, you don’t have to know. And even if you did, you probably wouldn’t understand. There’s too much to say to you, and unfortunately the most effective way to convey these messages is through silence.

I can’t say I like you for you. I probably don’t. I can sit here like everyone else on this site and say “If you weren’t such an asshole, we/it/you would be great,” but the truth is, I’m pretty sure I only “like” you BECAUSE you were a douchebag. I just have the self-awareness to know the difference.

At least I know I’ll get over it, whether something happens in the future or not. I’m just waiting to reach that point where I genuinely don’t care.

I wish I could have let go, but I’m weak. I’m in love with you, but you’re not sure you want a future with me. I don’t deserve this, but I care too much to walk away.

I’ve gone out with a girl a couple of times who I’ve suspected is too hot for me, and I’m right. She’s been ignoring my texts and will soon leave me, like I knew all along. I make a good first impression, but I’m too boring or needy or something to see it to the end.

I will never be married.

I think she is going to break up with me tomorrow? But the point of being in a relationship is too fix issues when they arrive, so i hope shes thinking what i’m thinking. But that’s what worries me. If she dose want to break up is it another reason? Of course my first worry as a male is there’s another guy… tomorrow i will know, and if it ends ill hurt and then heal… if it doesn’t; will continue down the path of teenage love and hope that it benefits us both.

You really changed my thoughts on how i could feel for other people. i thought i wouldn’t feel this way for a long time after the Alia situation… but then you came along and i fucked it up. Then 6 months later you came back into my life and i grew on you. i put all of my emotional chips in your hands.

When we talk, please please please, think, listen, and don’t make any sudden actions like i did.

I guess i deserve it?
But i feel like my apologies and what i did for you made up for that.
I honestly think i love you
Yet you might be feeling the opposite.

in 24 hours ill know

I don’t know if I want to be with you, but I want something, and maybe it’s time I stop rationalizing and focusing on the reasons. The feeling is still there. I still want you. I just can’t bring myself to talk to you right now, maybe never. Part of me hopes you’re the one calling restricted. Please let it be you. I do want you, on whatever level that is…

There’s just too much to say to you. So I’ll say nothing.

In the meantime, I hope it hurts 🙂

If you screw up this blooming relationship you’ll probably regret it later. Not only am I physically out of your league, I’m quite a catch for a man of any age, and most definitely yours.
So I’ve put up with your shit for a few weeks now, but I’m not going to wait around much longer for you to grow up.

I’ll never admit it to anyone, except him. It’s nice because he just made me smile and laugh, when I’m sure a lot of other people would have freaked out or said I’m overreacting. I think that’s what made me like him.

Situationally speaking, it looks like I’ve replaced you with a more stable human being; someone that’s actually going to be able to give me the friendship I deserve. But that’s not it. Meeting this person and she being so similar to yourself was all a surprise. From the outside, you’re completely different. She has a lot of things I like about her that are unique to her, but there are a ton of things that you both share. I’ll always love you and I feel like you opened up my heart, but I can’t live like this anymore. I need people in my life that are going to love me back in the way that I deserve. I understand you and I accept you, but I don’t accept how your shit storm of issues blows up in my face. You don’t even pay attention to how your crap affects me and hurts me. I use to think that you behaved the way that you do because you’ve never had anyone have your back. Well I do and I have proven myself 10x over and I deserve a little bit more consideration than this. You don’t think you have, but you’ve left me. Now that you have your boyfriend to play with, I am obsolete and inconvenient. So if you’ve decide to dismiss me even more because you feel like you’re being replaced. Think that over one more time. Even if it’s not true, I’m not going to tell you this because it’s about time that you felt shitty instead of me. I’m a good friend, I’ve done everything for you, and I’m f*ing tired. Thank you and good night.

I literally think I just got punched in the face by a ghost.

Fuck you. Lying asshole. You’re no good for anyone or thing. You manipulate, you lie, you cheat, you abuse. I know you weren’t telling the truth. That doesn’t happen to anyone. Maybe if you hadn’t been so goddamn fucked up I wouldn’t have gotten into this. If I hadn’t met you I would have just stayed with him, both gone to college, both get good jobs and not be lonely. Now I’m going alone, I have no fucking clue what’ll happen, I won’t know anyone at my college. I go to him because he makes me forget, makes me escape. You’d love it if you ever heard me say this because you’re a sadistic fuck. You say I don’t know anything about you? Trust me honey I didn’t stay with you that long and just sit on my ass, I analyzed you. My veiws were skewed at the time but since then I’ve come to realize you’re just a terrible person. I know you only got with her because you knew it’d hurt me. And it’s funny, some people I really like would be considered terrible by others but you’re the only person I know personally that I would also call terrible. There were reasons the others had that led them to do something considered bad, but you? You are just fucked up in the head. I hate you and I want my damn money back. If I ever found out you went on one of my sites I will not hesitate to tell her everything you did to me. The only reason I haven’t is because he told me not to, to let her find out on her own since she killed my trust.

I’m just happy to be alive. Everyday I wake up and I’m happy to have that breath of air fill my lungs.

I’m not attractive and I know it. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m ugly or if I have a horrible personality. Maybe it’s both. I’ve accepted that I will not find any women willing to date or commit to me. It’s okay. I still love others, I love life, learning, the world. There’s still so much worth dedicating the rest of my time to.

I love her so much and I am the most hopless romantic ever to exist. Although i choose not to go out with her, what the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe I’m just not interested in the fact that our situation is so normal?

I really wish you were here right now.

So his mom got a speeding ticket on they way there (totally avoidable), I go to take care of the cats while she is gone and one ends up being really sick which I find out from the vet is due to her being diabetic for a long time (I have been telling her for years I thought the cat should be seen by a vet) and now she left her purse at a restaurant and someone took all her cash and wallet and EVERYTHING.

Now I have an upset husband who didn’t want to go on this trip anyways and not only does he have to spend all day for the next week cleaning up after his hoarding family members to get the house anywhere near decent to sell but he has to now deal with his mom who is all kinds of upset and down.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, these things can happen but if she would just exercise a freaking ounce of prevention some of these things wouldn’t happen to her. She already has a shit storm of financial issues because she JUST CAN’T KEEP HER CREDIT CARDS IN HER WALLET and stop shopping. Most of the time she just buys crap she sees on tv. She can’t afford it but she keeps doing it. She tells my husband that she is getting better and starting to pay down her credit cards and saving money but I know she is lying. I estimate her debt to be 20k plus…

This is stressing me out to receive calls from my upset husband about the situation. I just know she is going to end up having to move in with us in a few years because there is no way she can keep up this lifestyle. She is so freaking old school and thinks one has to spend money to have a good time or eat out all the time for a good meal. I JUST DON’T GET IT!!!!!!!!! I want to cry 🙁

BABE,
youre making me straight panic. this is my first relationship, and its not even a real relationship. but being fuck buddies is the closest ive ever come to having a significant other. ive never cared so much about how someone felt about me because i know the casual sex thing is supposed to mean we dont really care about each other. after 8 months though, i cant help but love you. and likeeee um thought you felt the same way kinda. and now im embarrassed. its obvious you want this to be over. the first sign was when i texted you saying “babe.” and you didnt respond. you ALWAYS respond. and especiallllly to the word babe. if there were ever a text to not reply to it is NOT the word babe. you me and kag all know that very well. and then when my BEST FRIEND said you almost had a threesome with her and your friend, i didnt know who to be mad at or what to do or how to feel. i knew i couldnt do shit atually because we’re not dating and you can do whatever you want. i should have been pisssed at her because i think she knows how i feel about you. that was a dic kmove on both of your parts. good thing she fucking stopped it from happening or i would probably have killed myself. last night when we hooked up you were really rude. you took forever to answer me and when i got in the car you talked to me as if its been years. we fucking fucked two weeks ago! and i think you think youre too good for me, which you were until you realized it…..once you get how that works you can actually become the shit brah! the blowjob i gave you last night was the sloppiest. and it was alll youre fucking fault and for some reason i think you did that on purpose. like pushed on my head until ive gagged so many fucking times and my eyes are watering and my makeups running and snots coming out my nose cause i cant breathe and im borderline puking and my hair tie falls out and my hair gets cum in it………yeah, so how was that pleasuring for you? the blanket that hung from the ceiling to cover your bed during nights we’d fuck wasnt on the ceiling last night. you took it down because you thought you were done with me. 🙁 why in the mother fuck dont you want me anymore.? i cant eat because i feel like im not skinny enough. i thought we had such good shit going on. and i love you and i dont want it to be over. thats 8 months of fucking. we’re so conformed to each other and i feel so comfortable with you. im not a slut and im shy so itll take me so long to find that with another guy. please dont end this babe