Confessions

You’re a paranoid bitch. I wasn’t even interested in you.

I still think about you.. hugging you. smelling your unique perfume. I still can feel your body next to mines. wish it would last forever. wish things was like before. but things change and we longer don’t see eye to eye anymore. But I still dream about you. love you.. M….

I know I told you I’d never say it again, but it hurts too bad. So I’ll say it here, and it’ll be okay because you wont know it’s me. I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. I’ll be seeing you soon, and even though you tell me we’re just friends, I hope something happens between us when I see you. Even if it’s just a kiss. I want something to remember you by, because what you don’t know is that after I leave I’ll be dead. This will be my only chance. My doctor advised that I dont even take this trip, but I don’t care because I love you more than living. April 2nd my love. I’ve never cared so much about one meeting in my life, and if it doesn’t happen I’ll die miserable. I have to see you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don’t forget me when I’m gone.

As i was sitting in my car just thinking about you as i do everyday, every hour and so on i stuck my finger in my ear and took a chunk of earwax out and then had the thought, ” I wonder if you can make a candle out of earwax that could burn.”
then i started thinking about you again and how i miss you.

How come when you’re female and you help your boyfriend with something, they never give you credit? Like if you help them with something that’s really bothering them and it works, instead of saying thank you they backpeddle and say it was something else that helped them- not you. Doesn’t matter what it is- whether it’s the car, the house, the relationship- if you, the female, provide the fix and it works and helps, it gets blown off like a fart in the wind. I helped my ex run his business that was in trouble and came up with a lot of good ideas that really helped but when he talked to his buddies, he gave himself all the credit for coming up with them. I helped the next boyfriend in a situation that was very emotionally volatile and ended up surrounded by legal issues. He was very scared and went through a lot. It wasn’t pleasant but I understood he was very scared. While he admits he was glad I was ‘there for him’ he added ‘but I never ASKED you to do all that’. So, if someone pulls over to help you when you’re broken down on the side of the road- is that what you say to them? ‘Wow. I’m glad you stopped- but I never ASKED you to do that.’

I’m not asking for a gold statue in my honor but I am sick of being the one in the relationship that gets leaned on- quite heavily in some cases- and then having the guy dust off his hands and sweep it all under the rug like its some dirty little secret that he had to rely on the strength of ‘a woman’ to get him through because there’s some shame he wasn’t enough to do it on his own. Hey- we all need help sometimes. So what? Oh and- it would be nice if the favor could be returned some time instead of just looking at someone and calling them ‘crazy’ when it’s their turn to have a hard time dealing with something. It really lets us know what you’re about when you do that. It means you’re a taker- A USER. It means that you’re willing to take and never able or willing to give unless someone’s watching and it might make you look like ‘citizen of the year’. You’re a faker. A loser. And if that’s not you, you need to prove it by being a willing participant in the relationship you claim to want to be a part of. I’m your girlfriend- not your mama. You’re not my baby boy. You’re my PARTNER.

I think my girlfriend is transgender and is finding it difficult to tell me. She sometimes makes comments about how she wishes she didn’t have a vagina, refers to herself as male on occasion, and always chooses male characters in video games.

Along with her decision not to immediately attend college, this may be the dealbreaker. We’ve been dating four years and I don’t want to hurt her, but this isn’t going to work.

I’m a lesbian, and gender does matter to me. Transgender people are fine by me, but chances are, I’m not going to be attracted to FtM. I like breasts, I like GIRLS playing with me and having sex with me. Not men.

Everything in my life is falling apart.

i hope to fuck i can find some benzos and forget that i ever had to leave.

Im never givin up.

We were so perfect. For such a long time. So I let my guard down for just one tiny moment. And now we are falling apart. And when we eventually break, I don’t think I can survive it.

I just slathered liquid testosterone on my chest for the first time, and oh lord am I ready for my luscious man chest pelt.

26/Soon to be M.

I spent my energy trying to protect myself against heartbreak. In the end, it’s me who has broken my own heart by keeping you at arms length. Now that I’ve learned to open up, it’s a case of too little too late. I miss and love you so much, and now you’ll never know to what extent.

I feel guilty for buying something for myself yesterday because of all the destruction in Japan. They probably need the money more than I need the new version of Pokémon.

I really want to get married. I feel alone.

I was there for you when your self confidence was low and you thought you would never find a girlfriend. It really hurts that you have stopped talking to me now that you have one.

I’m contemplating filing for bankruptcy. How did we get this way? We’re the responsible ones.

Everyone I know is getting engaged/married. I’ve never had a girlfriend, much less been engaged. What’s wrong with me.

I want my boyfriend to love me like crazy. I want the adoration he had for her to be the adoration he has for me. She is the one he pines for and misses. But I’ll be the one he can TRUST without a doubt.

For whatever reason, I get super horny every day around noon/one o’ clock. I’m fine- and then suddenly WHOOSH- it’s there. What the hell is all that about?

I almost cheated on my girlfriend. I was talking with someone and ended up flirting heavily and getting pretty deep, but I didn’t keep it up, and I stopped before I got too far.

It was wrong of me, and I apologize. I love my girlfriend and I hope to marry her when the time comes. I don’t want to ruin this relationship, so I won’t let it come to ruin.

I love my girl so much and I didn’t want to betray her trust, but I was so close to actually cheating on her. So I feel terrible, and I should. I just know that I’m not going to let myself do that again. I want to be the best man I can for her, and me letting myself get lusty and stupid just hurt.

I just feel horrible right now. I’m glad I did not go all the way with this other person and I’m glad I kept it in my pants, but I’m not glad that I started it. I cut off all contact with the other person. So I’m just going to keep it together with my girl and treat her like the woman she deserves to be treated like.

She definitely does not deserve to be betrayed by me, so I will not betray her any longer.

I know some people will think badly of me because I started out, and I don’t really blame them. I just want it to be known that I love my girlfriend very much and my struggling doesn’t cause me to love her any less. Which is why I have confessed here and have made this solemn promise here for the sake of my life and my love.

To my girlfriend, I apologize for my wrongdoings and hope you can forgive me. I love you so very much, and I will do all that I can to make this work for us. I promise, there will be no more tears shed because of me.

I am at peace now. 🙂