Confessions

i’ve recently started to look into online dating sites, but i always get put off by all the narcissists out there. they look so fake and selfish, it just puts me offcompletely! What a pickle

My parents should have aborted me.

Spring break is helping me forget you for a while. Im plain and boring not the type of girl you want. I hope you find someone exciting and beautiful like you. I wont forget you.

I hope you find a girl that makes you happy. If I had one wish and only one, it would be that I was that girl.

I wanted you in my life… I still do… but things are a bit awkward now that the secret is out and I just don’t know how to be around you anymore…. I don’t know what to say and I can’t help but feel guilty about what we did even though we never took it any further, I still feel the guilt because there were strong feelings involved. I still miss you and want to see you… you are still my friend and I love you.

Why do I think so little of myself that I grovel at the feet of others? I am not such a bad person. I can love myself, even if no one else sees anything of value. There are people I would love to have in my life, but I don’t need them. I won’t beg anymore.

Your suits and ties your cars your bling dont mean a thing you selfish arrogant poor excuse for a man. Your a taker and a thief got you where you are today. You lost me and her “its a girl” you wont hardly notice we left. M F’er

someone showed me this site so here’s my first and only confession, where I let out what I don’t ever articulate to anyone because it’s about something that I find too personal or embarassing, my parents.

It’s a damn shame my parents are so simply fucked up.
I also don’t understand why they had me when they are so incapable of connecting with their own and only child.
I’m not a child anymore, I’m 23 now. I missed the best parts of being young and my teenage years were lamentable.
I finally live with flat-mates, I work part time and I go to university. I finally get to live a little and not be holed up behind those doors bored out of my mind and without a penny to find a way to distract myself. Constantly parroted by my mother’s virtues and guidance and having to listen to my father’s stupid opinions. It was so, so sad.

It’s funny how thinking and talking about my parents like this is making my insides just feel intense sadness for myself. As though I find my parents extremely depressing. I feel as though my parents other than putting a roof over my head and feeding my meals, have done nothing but negative things to me mentally and socially. I want to say I hate them. I feel as though I don’t need them and never will.

I feel bad for my mother.

And now I take a moment, to think of the most beautiful thing I had that I lost through my own actions, and I wonder if my mother would feel such regret like I did. And still do when I let myself think about it….anyway I think I’ll finish this by saying:

To anyone out there who wants love, companionship, children, a family..be honest. And be human. To those that have children, treat them like people and with some respect for who they are. Life is meant to be beautiful. Not hopeless.

It’s weird but I kind of feel like we were never anything at all. Yet, my mind still holds on to something. I don’t remember what it was though. :/ Maybe I have subconciously blocked it out to get over the pain of loss. I know in the back of my mind that it was never real anyway. You conjured up an ideal me and I conjured up a ideal you but that was never you and that was never me. I was never intended to be a mouse and you were never a man.

i just want you to fuck off, i just want you to give me space, you dont actually know this but i fucking hate your guts, you make me sick, go away

I’m wildly depressed but I keep it hidden very well. I pretend that I’m happy and well adjusted. The reason is that I can’t stand being around self absorbed depressed people. I don’t want to become that whiny depressed person that everyone hates to be around.

I just came out as bisexual. I’m in love with my best friend… but she’s straight. 🙁

Why did you take down that song? better yet whyd you put it up if you were just going to remove it. Maybe it wasnt for me.

it was so weird you were like “i have to go” then i was like me too. i send you a heartfelt message wishing you all the best and good bye, it’s an odd thought really. Glad it ended the way it did instead of tears or anger it was a bland lack of emotions; maybe it works better then the other ways cause so far you haven’t asked me for forgivness.
I thought you’d be happy for me at least (or pretended) this boy treats me really well he makes me feel the way you use to make me feel. I dunno maybe you don’t realise how you really felt and what you wanted from me? Maybe it’s simply jealousy but i do deserve to be happy and i do deserve such a sweet,kind, caring and gorgeous guy such as this new one.
Instead of dwelling on it just be happy for me, okay?
Things with you and me are simply past but like i tried to say it doesnt change the fact that i did love you back then and it doesnt change all the great things that happened between us I understood that you wanted better and you decided it wasnt me, so simply i moved on and found better myself.

i’m on day 9 without sex and i’m fairly certain that this is the longest i’ve ever gone without it in my life. 12 more weeks to go. starting to develop a permanent case of blue balls. the women around me are starting to look a little different, even the ugly ones.
ah well, i read once that the male body rebalances after 2 – 3 weeks without sex. so either i’ll get better with this or i’ll revert to an adolescent with a permanent boner. the random fantasies aren’t bad though
also read that after a month and a half, i’ll start having wet dreams again. nothing like waking up with a giant wet spot and the soul crushing thought that i can’t remember the dream

I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry I did the things I did. I never thought you not being in my life would hurt me this bad. I need you. I hope it’s not too late.

I just wanted you in my life. Why was that so wrong?

Forgive me Nathan. I cannot stand this silence between us anymore…

I want someone to hold me close and whisper sweet nothings to me.

no one will ever love me