Confessions

I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow, my jobs too stressful and far too little pay. Life sucks.

I’m certain I’d love my job more if my boss wasn’t a prick.

i feel like my body is falling apart. I feel like so many things are going wrong that shouldn’t be. I haven’t been to a doctor in six years and I don’t have insurance to go now… please let me be imagining these things.

I am happy for the people out there that have someone to love them. I have to suck it up and know I will never really be held or touched again. He holds that power over me…to deny me that. That is the reality of my life.

Yup. There goes the last shreds of my self-worth.. Right down the drain.

I know you could have said it to get rid of me. I’m just hoping that’s not really what’s going on.

You showed me that when you put two broken people together, it creates perfection.

I would never be here without you.
Thank you.

I want to kiss her sweet lips. I want to hold her as I go to sleep. She’s so pretty.

I think it turns me on even more that she’s just my friend. I think it makes my attraction for her more thrilling.

I would rather do the housework, go to work, grow my business, cook, and all of the other duties just to have you here with your hurt back then to lose you within 25 years to radiation poisoning.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

This is so difficult.

For a year I saw you every single day. We were so close.

It wasn’t hard for me to fall in love with you. And honestly, I know you loved me too.

But everything was against us. You were graduating, I’m the same age as your little sister. It was clearly not going to work out. It will never work out.

I haven’t spent time with you in two years, but the rare occasions we see each other, I fall in love with you all over again. Things shouldn’t be this way.

I’m in love with my boyfriend of a year, and I know you love your girlfriend of two years. But you and I both know we belong together.

And I think I would survive knowing this if it weren’t for the guilt I feel. I wish I could forget you. I really wish you would stop showing up in my dreams.

Remember how happy we were together? Just talking?

I miss that. So much.

I think my heart is breaking all over again. Please come back someday.

I love you so much Ricky. I hate that I love you.
But I don’t think I can change how I feel. I’m so sorry.

I hate what I’ve become. I hate that your silence is driving me to try to fill your place with someone else. Someone who will hold me. I don’t want to be this person anymore.

I hope I am pregnant!!

I essentially gave up one of my best friends to try and be with you. Even with all I knew about you and who you are as a person from your own personal insight and the insights of others, I gave you a fucking chance and sacrificed a lot because I thought you could change.
I thought maybe once you were done with school and things settled that it would be better.
I now see that was a grave miscalculation on my part, and honestly have nobody to blame but myself.
It is pretty clear now, I do like you, i like you a fucking lot and when it’s reciprocated its like the light of a thousand suns shining down on me.
When I’m ignored and shot down it brings darkness to my life.
Lately you have shown no desire to be with me, it’s funny it happened as fast as it did the first time. I’m not dim I can detect patterns like anyone else. I don’t think you’re truly capable of being with someone 100 percent; it’s just not in your nature.

I wish you would just be honest with me and let me go. I can’t take the constant hot and cold its causing so much anxiety and stress in a life that is already riddled with both.

hug

Where are you?

nora, i think i’m in love with you, holy shit

I wish I could get over you so that I can love him. What we had was wrong. I’m 16; you’re 25. But I’m hopelessly in love with you even though i haven’t spoken to you or seen you in almost a year. I miss you so much that it causes me physical pain. But now that i’m in another relationship, I want to be able to love him. So I have to let go of you. And that’s what hurts the most.

I wish you weren’t so much about yourself. I wish when I bought you something, you’d say thank you. I wish, you never cheated on me. I wish, you wouldn’t blame me for every single thing in your life that goes wrong. I wish, when I was sitting next to you and you’re eating something you’d offer me some. I wish, you care about me as much as you say you do. I wish I had the guts to tell you this stuff bothers me without losing myself.

I’m trying really hard to see your rotten side. It’s the only way to move on and it’s working. From this point forward, if I ever do come here to read, I’ll assume only the nasty ones are from you…to me.