Confessions

I hate you because you have everything I want.

I am a friendly outgoing person with a wonderful boyfriend, an ambitious career and parents who support me. My friends rely on me for being steadfast and strong. In every way I know I have so much going for me. What is really funny to me is that everyday I think about dying. No one realized how much I daydream about taking a bottle of pills and passing out forever. I laugh because I know how sick it is that I find it so funny. I really laugh so hard I start crying and then I laugh some more. Am I such a good actor? Do I hide it so well? Or do they just not care? Either way I may just have an “accident” one day and even then I think no one will suspect me…. pretty sick but I find it funny.

I feel so out of place here. So hated. There’s nothing for me here, I have to get away to somewhere I belong. It’s those little comments, like everyone expects you to just agree with them and be exactly like them.

I’m not even like my family anymore. My dad would probably think I was stupid and naive and hadn’t thought anything through if he knew my real views. I might break my mom’s heart.

It’s settled. As soon as I can, I’m getting out of this hellhole. Canada, the UK, Australia–hell, even somewhere else in my own country, like Seattle, would be an improvement. I just want to get out…

I hope it was worth it in the end. Is there a way you can justify it in your mind? Stick to that story my love. I just want you to be happy because even after all of this I love you.

I’m sorry that I keep bugging you. I know that you don’t return my feelings, but it’s not even about me liking your anymore. It’s about me trying to find someone to talk to about all the shit in my life since it seems like nothing my friends say make me feel any better.

I feel like the biggest failure in my family. I can’t do anything right and have to be told more than once to do something. I’m not in college and it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve been out of high school. I feel like shit right now knowing my parents don’t even give a damn about me and think I’m worthless and useless.

I am the girl who lets you copy her homework; that is my function in relation to you. I did the work, I wrote the paper, and I’m letting you use it so you don’t have to do the work. Old news. All I wanted in return for a paper I’m giving you, for something I really didn’t care about (because if it were a paper for a subject that really mattered to me, I wouldn’t have given it to you; I’m not totally spineless), all I wanted was for you to ask what album am I have been listening too all night long. That is all, and you didn’t ask, you don’t care. You got what you wanted.
Whatever.
I know you are using me; if you mattered at all to me, I think I’d care more. I don’t. That is the difference between me and myself ten years ago. Boys like you no longer matter.
Honestly, I don’t know why I wanted you to ask what I’m listening to.
I think just so you know, I have musical balls too.
And better taste 🙂

I feel like shit. I’ve seriously been considering suicide lately and the only thing stopping me is the sadness I feel when I think about never being about to see my dog again. This should not be happening to me. I’m only 16.

I’m NOT your dog. I’m not going to wait at your beck and call while you ignore me.
Just wait, one day you’ll need me and I won’t be there for you. And it will all be your own fault.

i’m going on a trip to costa rica with friends. i dont feel welcomed but i still want to go.

Mom, ever since you got in touch with T**, you’ve acted differently. You’ve seemingly gotten much younger in attitude and personality. At first, I was happy to see that change in you, but now, you’ve become the teenager that I’m supposed to be, and I’ve become the parent that you’re supposed to be.

You act like you resent me for being here whenever he comes over, but where else can I go? You constantly ask if I’m okay with his presence, but what other response do I have but “yes?” The only reason I don’t say “no” is that I don’t have any valid reason to say it.

You’ve become immature and I’m tired of it. For the past year and a half, I’ve put up with you breaking me down every five minutes by a simple, mindless comment. You’re worse than a middle school girl. I’ve lost touch with my emotions, and now I honestly don’t know what to say when someone asks if I’m okay.

You’re an immature drama queen, and I’m sick of it. Do I have to teach you how to grow up, now? Just because the divorce is officially over doesn’t mean you have the right to flaunt T** in Dad’s (and my) face. I can’t wait until you, Dad, and I all move into two homes so that I can finally get away from you and Tom for a couple weeks at a time.

YOU’RE supposed to have to tell ME this, not the other way around. Open your eyes already, Mom.

Dear Mom,
Stop. Just stop. I’m tired of you acting like you’re this kind and loving mother. Other people cant tell that you’re insane. All you are is a stupid bitch who’s emotionally abusive and mentally unstable. Just get yourself committed and get the fuck out of my life. I hate the way you force your religion down my throat, I hate the way you’re so prejudiced again gay people, and I hate the condecending way you act when I won’t take your adive. Taking your advice has never done me any good, ever. Just stop bothering me until I can go to college and get the fuck away from you.
Love,
Your Daughter Who Wants Nothing To Do With You

i, a goody two shoes girl who gets straight As and loves to mess with people. love a drug-doing, not-caring-about-school quiet guy. i have no idea what im gonna do.

I feel so invisible.

I’m tired of her misunderstanding me every time I show her my accomplishments – even the small ones.

I’m not looking for an argument to show why she was right about what was going to go wrong and did. I’m just looking for approval – for once.

Drunk drunk drunk. Pissed everywhere.

I fancied you from the moment I saw your photo.
You liked English accents, you loved people who were also fat, you loved girls with glasses…and you were a swinger. Great, I thought, I can’t lose.

Only I did, because apparently I came on too strongly and I should have recognised you were just a swinger and not poly, and that you were already in a relationship and you were too far away. Only I couldn’t, because on your FetLife account, all I could see was how perfect I could have been for you. You don’t even know half those people who you comment on, saying that they have nice bodies, and how much you’d like to fuck them, but me? No. For god’s sake, what does it take that I haven’t got? You were everything I ever wanted in a man, and I have to accept you’re just not that into me.

I want to hit you. I want to kick you in the balls and scream at you about how fucking ugly your fiancée is, and how much better I would be. I mean, you’re that fucking devoted to her, you openly boast about how much you both screw other people. It fucking sucks to know that I’m not pretty or interesting enough for you. It also fucking sucks to know that I can’t ever go for the people I find desirable, because I’m never pretty enough or interesting enough for them. And you’re no oil-painting. You’re a fucking obese pasty white blob with an ego the size of New Jersey, and my god, I just want you to notice me and love me. I hate you, and I desire you, and I just feel so useless. Ghostlike.

We fought eleven days ago. We’ll not talk to each other again. I know you too well.

I know I’m depressed when I start coming back to grouphug to read about other peoples problems

I don`t know how I can like someone soooooo much that I`ve only ever said one (ridiculously stupid) sentance to. I feel like I love him. If he asked me I would leave my bf for him.
I wish that I was smokin hot and men persued me. I love sex ALOT. Also I have no morals really – I kinda think something is wrong with me I`m sick.

I love you.