Confessions

I am a 20 year old lesbian who is in love with a 40 year old man. I have never been so confused in my life.

I love my boyfriend even though everyone hates him. He says that I’m everything to him and that he’ll love me forever…. but I don’t believe him. I feel so safe with him but I feel like I can’t trust him anymore. I told him everything about me; the cutting, the starvation, how I was molested and the impact it had on me…. and he still hurts me, pressures me into having sex. I’m too far in already and I can’t get out. I need someone else. I need someone other than him.

I can’t do this to him or myself anymore. I need to leave it alone and just GO. It’s going nowhere

I still love you, and I wish I could talk to you again.

You’re a year older than me and we hardly ever see each other. When we do, which is normally at a band event, we act like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. I think I really like you, but I’m trying not to fall too fast, so hopefully it will work out this time. I’m really going to miss you when you go to another school next year.

Oh Barbara , sweet Barbara…. Where for art thou?

Dear boyfriend,
I’m sorry I’m not blonde with E cup tits, you can’t deny it…I’ve seen your computer history.
I need to stop worrying and analyzing this. because I know I’m quite pretty just as I am, it just sucks that you’re not into cute, petite girls.

erik It’s been 2 month since we last talked or seen eachother and I miss you terribly! I wish we could just talk for a while

-Nikki

Thank you for being nicer to me than usual lately, i just wonder how long it’s going to last.

i itch my crotch in public a lot, its a bad habit, i’d prolly puke if i saw someone else do it

I think the preacher man from poltergeist 2 is possibly one of the scariest people ive ever seen.

events leading up to now have broken me
hopefully repair will make me stronger,
i’m finding myself feeling sick at the thought of everything thats happened
I don’t know what to do, and ‘just don’t think about it’ is bullshit btw.

Fucking asshole you drugged me to sleep with me, then you want me to keep my mouth shut about your selfish, insensitive and abuse ways! Fuck You!

I was blessed with a a fast metabolism.
Stupidly, I have taken this for granted and never work out or eat healthy.
I’m still slim as fuck, but now have cellulite..
GREAT.

Everyone thinks I’m so happy and positive, they talk about how well adjusted I am. Then someone explain to me please why I’ve swallowed 10 Vicodin and darvoset today? Why does everything I do make me feel like death would be a welcome relief? Do I keep from actually killing myself because I have hope for the future- or because I’m too scared?

RH: Thanks for rejecting me, and allowing me to get over you. It’s only now that I realise you’re whiny, clingy, and fat. I’m glad we didn’t get together because you’d be such an annoying girlfriend.

i dont understand why you’re mad at me. i dont care either.

I don’t want to ever have children. This includes adopting, or being with a single mother. I’m afraid this may be the cause of some tension in years to come, if I end up in a relationship with someone who wants children. It’s already been so long since I was last with someone that I’m becoming a little desperate, so I can envisage something happened with the next girl who shows me the slightest bit of interest. But I don’t want that ultimatum somewhere down the line. I’d rather we didn’t break up, but if it was a choice between start a family or break up, I’d choose the latter.

I fall in love with everyone. I’m not even bisexual and yet, if I have a close female bond that lingers for too long, it will escalate into sexual tension and finally romance. Sometimes it takes only a few minutes for a strong current to build between me and another person. Not only do I fall in love with everyone I meet–and this is on a personal level, whether it is their grasp of a certain topic, their endearing phobias, etc.–but I want to sleep with them shortly thereafter. I just wish there were more of me to go around, or that it was socially acceptable to have my own harem. It’s not the sex I love, but the people. They are each so different, so irreplaceable, and I want them all to be mine forever. I’m also a very jealous woman. Perhaps because I am so virile myself, I assume everyone in my life experiences just as much secret lust. I’ll drive by to see if someone I’m dating is alone; I question the reasons, for example, my boyfriend doesn’t come home; my attraction immediately intensifies if someone mentions spending time with a woman (or even if one of my female friends gets another friend she seems to prefer).

Ever since childhood, I’ve been a boy-crazy romantic with a strong sense of sexuality. I’m 25 now, and I have curvaceous legs, a lean, muscled torso, and breasts about as ripe and round as apples. I’m incredibly friendly too, a very Sanguine personality, generous, a great listener, a killer vocabulary, punch lines out the wazoo. To be blunt, I’m awesome. Not only do I fall in love with everyone, but everyone falls in love with me too. I still get calls from men I dated five years ago. I have the most complicated, chock-full love life you can imagine. A friend of mine actually called it a revolving door. But don’t let that detract from it! The moments that I have are unique and meaningful . . . the sex is beautiful, and in that moment, we are so completely satisfied . . . these moments just tend to end with heartbreak, after I cheat on you, or confess I’ve fallen in love with someone else. I haven’t been utterly single in years. I go from one tryst to the next. Within a matter of days it’s a safe bet to say I’ll be LIVING with someone new. It’s actually incredibly exhausting, I barely have time for my family because men have crowded out every edge of my free time, and sometimes the competition is so fierce and heart-rending I fantasize of slipping, of falling, of some accident that will rid me of the quandary. I hate to hurt them, I love them, but they all want to be the only one–which I understand, because I’m so jealous myself–I just can’t choose. I worry that all these flimsy commitments will leave with me alone, after my skin loses its elasticity and all my former suitors have married.

I’ve also been told that the root of my romantic intrigue is a desire to make others fall in love with me, and that once the quest is satisfied, I lose all interest, but that’s another confession.

If I told you I was developing a problem, a addiction, would you leave it to help me?
because I am, and Im terrified to tell you.