Confessions

The things that hurt me the most, like my self-consciousness about my weight, my lack of a love life, my teetering confidence in my intellect, are also the things I am most ashamed of about myself. I can’t even talk to my best friends about any of them. I just keep it all inside, I can rarely bring myself even to write about them in my private journal. It’s unhealthy but it is a pattern I settled into so long ago, I am afraid it’s become one of those things I just can’t change about myself.

I know I still love her. She wont ever love me but at least we’re at a level where I can talk to her. She really is amazing in every way but I could never tell her that. I could never tell her how much I really do love her. My only hope is that one day I wont love her as much as I do today.

I know I still love her. She wont ever love me but at least we’re at a level where I can talk to her. She really is amazing in every way but I could never tell her that. I could never tell her how much I really do love her. My only hope is that one day I wont love her as much as I do today.

You’ve been with me through my darkest days and you’re the only one who knows the full extent of my social anxiety yet I think if I was socially comfortable and could make friends I would leave you for someone else.

Mom and Dad, you say I slack off. Well, guess what? The reason I go on social networking sites all the time is to get away from all the tension caused by you two, mostly Mom. Would you rather have a failing mentally stable daughter or a straight-A student with emotional and relationship problems?

Best friend, you said on Thursday that you’d always be there for me. On Friday I broke down, and you barely even looked at me. And now today, you’re telling me to vent to someone else because you have your own problems to deal with at the moment – just to “give you time” so you can finally be there when a friend needs you. I understand that you have problems just as much as I do, but I needed you, and this weekend I had three or four mental breakdowns every day (even yesterday) because of the tension at home and the fact that I couldn’t talk to you because you were wrapped up in your own issues.

I wonder what any of you would say if I told you I’ve been clinically depressed for the past year and a half. You probably wouldn’t believe me. I guess you’ll never really know who I am, then.

I just need someone to listen to me. It’s like I’m on a podium with a megaphone, screaming at the top of my lungs, with my only audience the dust that settles on the street, and the people who walk by mindlessly, wrapped up in their own issues. Someone, please…help me. I can’t go on like this for much longer without totally breaking. PLEASE. Just listen. Don’t turn a blind eye.

Thank you for not paying the bills. You have just given me the freedom to leave this godforsaken city. Please continue to default, only two more payments and when we no longer have a house, the kids and i are GONE! and there is not a damn thing you will be able to do about it. So, please continue lying to everyone, and please continue to get f”d up on oxy’s, crack and alcohol.
your loving x-wife

Made it another day without texting him. I miss him. The closure was good but now it just sucks.

I know that you’re not texting me because you’re actually jacking off right now. I quite like that I can make you that horny.

I’m still being stupid, I’m sorry. I just want to be loved as a friend.

i’m tired of being alive.

i still feel you

How can I tell him anything when he won’t let me talk? Then he walks away? Why? Am I not worth anything to him? I felt worthless watching his back as he walked away leaving me in confusion and without any resolution. I didn’t mean to waste his time. I had so many things to say and to ask and he walked away like he didn’t care, taking a little more of my heart with him. I wanted him to listen and let me get to the point(s) that I wanted to make. I could have went to someone else with my excitement and questions, but there was something in it for him. I thought there was, but I realized last night that he wants nothing from me. Nothing. No matter how valuable. I don’t really understand but I deserve nothing from him. I hurt him and I see now that nothing will ever fix that. I don’t ever want to try to love anyone again. I have no more pieces of my heart that I can afford to give.

I dated a boy for 6 years. He was my first love. He broke my heart over and over again with many girls. One day i had enough. i found another boy. fell for him. now the first boy wants me back and he thinks im single. when really im dating the second boy. i keep telling the first boy im single and not with the second boy, when i really am.

Feeling beyond horrible. My boyfriend wants to break up with me because I have been a class A bitch and insensitive to his needs. He has been terribly stressed because of his job and I only made it worse. Hate the thought of not having this wonderful man in my life. I HATE my job which is only compounding my anxious feelings. I just want all the hurt to go away.

I dont wanna do my cousin. Kay just wanted to throw that out there.

I think my cousin wants to have sex with me. I want to have sec with him too, he’s georgeous, but that’s awkward

If you want to have sex with me, then stop flirting with these other ugly ass whores. Stop telling people that you wanna fuck me until you stop flirting with random bitches.

i always want it to be you K.
i wish i knew what was going on and i could be there for you.
i wish i wasn’t such a failure.
know that i would do whatever i could for you.
i don’t want to ever try and love someone for the sake of loving someone again.
if i ever get to feel anything like what you made me feel again, it will not be on purpose.
if you still care please let me know. i will not waste your effort again. you meant the world to me and without you there i will always feel something missing. i want to know how you are day to day and offer my care but then i feel worthless like i have nothing to offer.
this post is the best i can do for now.
no path i can see, leads to you or the ability to offer you any form of happiness.

Everything you “think” other people say hurts me, every time.

You hurt me.