Confessions

I’ve been too busy to think much lately. Now it’s all going through my head again. I don’t think there’s a reason why I’m here I don’t even care. I’m just going through the motions.

I don’t like it here. This job doesn’t make sense anymore. I want to dig holes for a living so that at least I’ll know when the job is done. I don’t like these people. They don’t like me. I want to hide. I can’t remember why I ever liked doing this. Why do they pay me for this shit? Am I just not doing what I’m good at? I’m good at talking and giving opinions and coming up with solutions to problems. Here it feels like I’m shuffling paper, responding to useless emails, and making status reports.

I’m tired. I want my girl. I want to ride my bike. I want to sweat. I don’t want to sit anymore.

It started when I wanted to go to college. I tried so hard to fill out the student loan information but it just kept coming back wanting the same information over and over. I remember sitting at the kitchen table crying because I just couldn’t figure it out and you wouldn’t stop to help me.

Then again when I bought my first car. The dealership was going to sell it to me then they weren’t and I was so upset. I called you and though you were an hour a way, you wouldn’t come help me.

Today I feel just as alone as when I was trying to get into school or buy that first car. Thirty years later, I still have to do everything myself. I want an advocate. Just once in my life I want someone to say, “here, let me help you”.

I made it another day without texting. Spent much of the day crying though. When does this get easier!?

someday you are going to wake up to the fact that you have been using women’s bodies to make you feel better about your insecurities. And you are going to be really, really sorry about all the awesome people you’ve hurt.

I really need to call a suicide helpline right now, but I so depressed I can’t even speak.

Stop punishing me.

They strip me naked and throw me into a cold, windowless, carpetless room every night. It’s okay though. If I didn’t I’d probably kill myself.

I wish you would just get the fuck out of my house

who are you to lecture others about how to live there lives
when you are a lazy ,money hording, ungenerous ,fat old perv.

you have actually made me hate Buddhism.

My worst fear is to be 40 and to look back and see I have wasted my life.

I love you but I wont let you hurt me for no reason anymore. I deserve better.

E, I need you in my life. My life seeems dull without you in it. You’re the reason I had a smile on my face everyday I walked into school. I miss seeing you around all the time. I miss being able to come and talk to whenever I wanted too. I just miss you terribly & I wish you would come back into my life. Iwish you would make the move..and show me that you really do care instead of hiding it.
N

If you ejaculated Baja Blast I would give you 900 blow jobs

I hope you get everything that is coming to you. You have hurt so many people but always cry victim. Your day of reckining is coming and this time I wont be there to pick you up off of the floor. Goodbye.

I get the hint. I will leave you alone. This has gone on too long. Live a good life for me please.

Pas un jour ne passe, je ne pense pas que de vous, je wouldnt ont de toute autre manière. Allons jouer avec moi au soleil. été jeunes

Now that the secret is out… I don’t know how to tell you that i still want you in my life… I want back what we had, it was nothing sexual but we had an amazing connection… Why do i have to miss that so much? It makes me regret telling my secret to our signiificant others but it would have been wrong to keep it our secret. I wish we could have talked about it… I want to tell you how i remembered… Not because i want to be with you but because i think it would help us both understand and have closure

You are not worthless. I think the world of you. I love you.

It’s so crazy the way i remembered and the way i kept realizing what i thought i knew was real.. Really real.. But i didn’t believe it for so long. I should have known the first day we locked eyes at the restuarant and you looked like you saw a ghost… Now i just miss you but most of all i miss the ways you were trying to tell me…

i made muffins loaded with fat and sugar so that my dorm mates would gobble them up and get fat