Confessions

My girlfriend is the IRL equivalent of Fluttershy. Quiet, timid, adorable, sweet, and shy. I love my girlfriend more than anything, but every time I see Fluttershy I just want to hug her tight so she won’t be afraid or nervous. I do that with my girlfriend all the time. She hides behind me when I introduce her to my friends, and I find it absolutely precious.

I know she isn’t real. I don’t love her or anything. I suppose I just see her being defenseless and have some innate desire to protect her, just like I protect my love when she gets scared. Probably because the two are so similar in personality. In a way, I imagine a human Fluttershy would be exactly how my daughter is going to act.

I really can’t wait to be a dad. I want to have a married life for a few years, but when my dear finally tells me we have one on the way, everyone in the entire state will feel the earth move when I leap for joy continuously.

Thank you.

I seriously hate group projects sometimes.

All I need is one source. One more source so that the bitch ass teacher will fucking approve my bibliography already. She’s such a fucking prick. It’s impossible to find a source on our subject with her pickiness. And we’re researching someone that isn’t that well-known. I’ve managed to find two “valid” sources but I still need a third one. A group mate of mine said she’d email me one of her sources.

I email the entire group asking for one of their sources that was approved. I get one response. ONE RESPONSE. What did it say? That she’d email it later tonight. Wtf?! It’s almost 11pm. The class starts at 9am. I need the source NOW. And it’s just one fucking source. All someone has to do is use the magical “copy and paste” feature on one their sources and email it to me! It’s not like I’m asking them to write a six paged paper on the history of glue. I just want one. little. approved. source. Is that too much to ask?!

Our thesis was created at the last minute too. And one of my group mates can’t type properly for shit. Impossible to decipher what she’s saying half the time.

I have a feeling that I should just do all the work. And I would too- If it weren’t for all my other classes and things going on in my life.

FML.

We haven’t even been dating for two weeks, E, and yet you were there for me today when everyone else pushed me away. You recognized, even through a text message, that I’m not okay.

You said you’d be there for me, and that if you had to, you’d arrange to drive nine hours to come see me just to hold me in your arms if you felt I needed you to.

You have no idea how much that means to me. If I was completely sure, I’d say I love you. Thank you, love. <3 ~K

i love you. so much. that wedding dress is still in my closet and i never cancelled that church reservation. even though im the one who left you, i want you back. let’s do it.

I wish you were here.

I’m terrified of walking with knives… but I feel oddly euphoric when I press one against my stomach.

I want to see the stars with you.

It has been over a year and you are around. You had feelings you bastard. Don’t try to deny it.

Seeing you tonight was oddly relieving because I know I can’t have you. But I miss you so much. Good luck on your exam.

I wasn’t lying when I said I feel lost.

I feel lonely too. Its amazing how a few words from someone you care for can work wonders. But sometimes you just have to live without in hopes one day someone will see you as worth their time. Lonely person i feel your pain, youre not alone.

Tell me, baby, what kind of a relationship is this? I call you everyday.. maybe 2 times a day. It’s because I miss you. I am the one who starts the conversations on msn. It’s because I miss you. But it’s too one-sided. Honestly, maybe I should just stop calling you. And stop trying to talk to you. How would you react? Would you even notice? That’s what I’m afraid of, that you won’t notice. I’ll be so upset, and I’ll feel like I lost this game. But it’s not a game, and I wouldn’t have lost. Because, baby, if you lose me, you’re the one who lose. Believe me, I’m everything and more. Maybe we should just let it be until I come back. But, what if you forget me? True love never forgets. So don’t forget me. I won’t call you tomorrow. Please, don’t forget about me. I love you.

It might be selfish to say, but I feel incredibly lonely right now.

I can’t turn eighteen quick enough. If my sister’s right and I do become the next target it’ll be funny. I won’t slut around but that doesn’t mean I won’t make out with them. I am with one and if I knew one of the others would agree I would with him too.

Yesterday has been incredibly emotionally draining. I am a weak, cowardly and selfish human being and I fully understand what this means. I keep telling myself I am going to change, but that change is coming along so slowly it’s killing me.

Last night I got incredibly drunk with a friend of mine and then went to see my lover and spent the night with him. I say lover because I am also currently in a relationship with another man as well, a man with whom I’ve been for 3 years now. Our relationship is complex, at least in my head it is. It’s probably just like every other relationship.

Mostly lately I’ve been feeling like I want to die. The only thing preventing me from doing it is the pain I know it will cause in my loved ones. My family. My friends. My lover. My boyfriend. I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t stand the idea of hurting anyone. It’s that fear that causes my cowardice and prevents me from taking courage and living my life as I want it to be.

I really hate myself right now.

I want to see the stars

Everyday I think about killing myself. But then I think about my future with my fiancee and all of those thoughts disappear. I am so thankful I have him to live for.

I am a second class citizen in this country. I know it’s not important to you.

So I’m that super happy bubbly girl who never has a frown on her face, really sociable, always laughing, but sometimes, I have NO confidence and get really anxious around people. Some days are better than others, and it’s not a problem, just something I want to share with others that may feel the same way. Don’t ever doubt that the real you isn’t the bubbly side, just embrace the fear then push it aside, you got this 🙂

Hahahahahahahahahaha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahaha, HAA HAA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

This has all been coming from my friend who is stoned off his tits for the past 15 minutes.