Confessions

i secretly wish i had an eating disorder so that people would stop thinking i’m still an innocent little girl. I’m 17 for christ’s sake!

You make the simple so complicated. I needed a small break from the intimacy we shared together. Who am I to deny my feelings,to lie to myself. It eats away at me. The denial. If I could look you in the eyes and give life to the words that would pass from my lips to your ears,I believe I would create a being that Venus herself would envy. Knowing that only causes me sadness because you may never know the full beauty of that love.

please tell me what I did wrong.
why do I deserve this?
what did I do?
why are you doing this to me?
I just hope/wish things will go back to the way they use to be,
when we were in love… I miss you.

You’re the one who fucking told all my business to our friends back home, and yet now you act like I’m the one who broke your trust. That I don’t deserve to be trusted with your “secret good news.” I am so tired of all these games with you. You think of me as some kind of monster and I know I am a good person. I hate the person that you think I am. I just want to be fucking done with you.

My husband constantly shakes me down for money. I am sick of being the breadwinner and want a divorce so bad. I have had enough. I just cannot admit I made a really poor choice in a husband to all my family and friends. I am embarrassed that I totally failed at partner selection. I shouldn’t have listed to my heart.

When no one’s around the house, I am the person I want to be. I sing, I dance, I act out scripts I’ve written. Then I hear them at the door and it’s back to reality.
But someday, somehow, I’ll make my secret hobby my life.

Phil, I just wanted to tell you that I probably love you. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind for a single day since well before you left. I guess I am a terrible person and I am sorry. I’ll probably never see you again, but I really do hope you are happy, because if anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.

I’ve spent so long telling myself that it would be a joke to say that I am “misunderstood” or a “tortured artist”, that I didn’t realize until just today that there is no better way to describe myself than that, and I have been this way for the last four years or more.

I am 24 years old. I have never had a girlfriend.

The only person who ever noticed me was a girl I met just after finishing high school. I don’t know if she ever loved me, but at least seemed interested.

She moved away before anything could happen between us, and became involved with another man. Their relationship grew, while I held on to memories of someone I barely knew. We only ever hung out a few times before she left, I didn’t even really know her, I had to make things up about her in my head.

I loved her so much, no one had ever noticed me before (or since). One day, when I was 22 she came to visit for a few days. She was still in the same relationship. We spent those three days together, cuddling, kissing, and we had sex once. It was the first and only time I’ve ever been with a girl, although I stopped halfway through because I felt guilty about her cheating.

I never saw her again after that. I hated myself so much for doing what I did, but I will admit I was on the brink of suicide. All I wanted was to die, because I knew it was impossible for anyone to care about me. When she cheated on her boyfriend with me, it was the only special moment I’ve ever had in my life, and the only time I was ever truly happy. In the time that would follow, those few days were all I had to keep me going in life. I am confident I would not be here if she wouldn’t have done that for me.

I hate myself, I hate being alone, but I am still alive, because someone decided to cheat. I don’t think it meant much to her, I think she was angry with her boyfriend and wanted to hurt him, but it meant the world to me.

I wish someone out there could love me, or even just pretend to. I’ve managed to hold on because on that one experience, but I feel my time is again running short.

I am so very alone.

At 23 I have given everything up to work for my career, and am finally on the verge of getting that big break, but at the end of the day, while laying alone in bed, there is a part of me that keeps asking is it all worth it?

People say that making friends is easier online.
It’s just as hard as it is in real life for me.
Maybe that’s because I’m so afraid of people being able to see right through me.

I know I’m your best friend.
I know your Tumblr is super exclusive to people you actually know.
But I’m tired of seeing your vague, emo crap and pictures of random girls all over my Dashboard.
I’m your best friend but you’ve been turning into someone really annoying that isn’t my best friend.
I want her back.

I hope you’re doing well.

Your boyfriend is a troll…
I love you.
I know you love me too.
Dump him… nicely.
Because truth is. I need you, and I’ve waited long enough.

I wonder if you watched them..It’d be nice to know.

My friends husband really flirted with me tonight. I’m sort of attracted to him…I need to stay away. Ugh.

i told the first girl i’ve dated in 5 years that she still loves her abusive ex husband.. wtf is wrong with me…

she needed to hear it. she’s very fun, beautiful, loving woman. i like her very much. i love her as a person. the world is a better place with her in it. i treasure her friendship…

why didn’t i say that part first?

This is not the way I ever wanted things to be. Please believe that’s true. When you look back on some of our memories together, you can’t deny the love.

I’m smiling.

I am missing you terribly tonight 🙁