Confessions

I used to get really excited when I saw you; my chest would flutter and I’d feel the tingle between my thighs when I’d look at your hands and imagine them on me…
It’s just supposed to be friendly fucking but the first time we had sex it kind of sucked. I finally got to see your dick and it was a big disappointment, oh the irony. Sometimes I could feel you and when I did it felt good but most of the time I didn’t feel you at all.
We went at it for an hour and neither of us came and then you went limp…how the hell am I supposed to be excited about the next time we have sex now? I’m pretty sure that’ll never happen because I also think you’re manipulative.

When we were together you told me you wanted to see me happy and you cared. But it was clearly understood that we’re just friends with benefits, especially since we both agreed to it so why does that matter? I know you really don’t care so why are you asking? You keep calling me a friend but really I’m the girl at work you’re sleeping with…slept with, once…either way we aren’t friends, we have hung out with other people 1 time in public and it was the first time we ever hung out.And it was with people from work. I’m not saying I’m attached because I’m so far from it but damn, say what the fuck you mean and stop playing games with a sure thing dumbass.

I know we aren’t together, and I dont want to be with you, but when you talk about other girls it bothers me. Especially when you say they’re falling all over you and they turn out to be 18…you’re 30! It really grosses me out that you’re even considering hitting up an 18 year old; big turn OFF.

Finally I’m worth more than a sqeezed in hour of your time, once a week in the morning after work. I don’t want a relationship with you I just want some one to take me out, to give me something I never get, a freaking date. Show me off, people say I’m hot all the time, even your cousin said it. I fuck like a pornstar and I dont think that something in return is so much to ask for “friend”. You’ll take out little 18 year old girls but not me?

Get real I see right through you.

I also find it odd that you claim I’m the only one you’re interested in having sex with…you’re a man with a semi-functional cock. That’s a lie too.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a certain sense of satisfaction at seeing how my ex has aged so terribly while I, on the other hand, am still looking good after all these years. And he’s STILL living with his mama–in his 30’s! Whatever happened to this great big so-called “Empire” you were building? Oh right, I guess that’s still a work in progress. Riiiiiight, as you stand in front of your bitchmother’s apartment building, looking 60 when you’re only 33, smoking a cigarette. Overweight, out of shape, worse for wear, and gone to seed. You’re sorry and you’re tired. Karma is a bitch, isn’t it, you narcissistic asshole?

I really wanted to go with you, but we both know why I couldn’t.

So you think that being a “Mom” is the epitomy of a woman’s existence? Gawd what a fucking sexist pig you are; even cavemen were more enlightened than you. NO WONDER SHE LEFT YOU!!!!!

Sometimes I read and reread her article several times. She tickles my fancy.
I am embarrassed about this habit.

I forgot to mention that I nearly HATE your friends! They sell you that shit that continues to torment me and push me further away, I hate them. I get nervous when you speak to them and I try to listen in to know what is in store. I evesdrop to hear when the next deal is happening, when you are getting them, when you will change, when you get dangerous and violent…to know when I’ve to walk quietly in a feild of mouse traps around you. You put me on edge. I am endlessly worrying, endlessly nervous, endlessly wondering if my staying is even worth it. I am breaking Love. I have been broken once and you managed to tape me up just a little, but those strips of tape loose their stick and fall off one by one everytime you use. I cannot take much more of this. My love for you can only keep me here for so long. I am leaving in June on a vacation and it will be a test. If you use again while I am gone, I will take it as a sign that you are not ready for us to go any further. I cannot stay if you cannot stop the drugs. I am sorry, and yet I am not…

Sorry again, Little One. Tomorrow we bid you farewell. You will be placed in the arms of loved ones who have passed on before us, I really do believe that. In the meantime, it’s just plain hard truth that your would-be daddy and I don’t want to be parents. We love our freedom, independence and autonomy WAY too much, and we don’t want to give that up. So this is goodbye. It’s just as well, my gut feeling (literally and figuratively) tells me this would have been a troubled pregnancy if we were to carry you to term anyhow. I’ve already been way too ill as it is to risk that. So yes Little One, this is goodbye….

Love,
I am not a pill head, I am not a smoker (pot or otherwise), I am not a drunk, I do not drink, I do not sniff, I do not shoot up, I do no drugs of any kind. I’ve had a horrible past that you seem to brush off. You knew of my past, long before we became serious, long before I left home for you; and yet you tried to hide the fact that you practice the very thing I ran away from. I despise you for it! How could you? You let me walk into this relationship in a blindfold, telling me how wonderfully you’d treat me, how I’d be your princess, how good it would be…and here I sit…typing my feelings to goodness knows who because Ive no one else to tell…you pretended to want to help me get over the abuse I went through by druggie parents all while knowing you are a druggie yourself! How could you not know I’d find out?! How could you not think I would notice all the signs? I lived this life for 20yrs and I’ll NOT live it over again! I’ll NOT! Do you hear me? Lay a hand on me once more and I am gone! Touch the stuff once more and I am gone! Cause a ruckus again because you are high and I am gone! Use the money I lend you for “chocolate, candy, cigarettes, gas” for pills again and I am GONE! You tried to tell me you need them to be okay, well honey…so did my parents. If you cannot stop alone and if you refuse to get help, then…I’m sorry…I must go…you were my first love, where did I go wrong? Didnt I learn from my life growing up? How could I be so stupid? Why did I not see it before he caught my heart? :'(

All my pictures, all my songs gone just like that some never to be replaced, my email. Can someone stop taking for once and give back ?

I only love him when he treats me like shit. Meanwhile, his best friend would take a bullet for me.

I HATE feeling in general. I seldom feel happiness for extended periods of time and I feel sad about 90% of the time, just generally disappointed and filled with despair. I know I should see a therapist because everyone says talking helps but I’m already on antidepressants that I started a week ago…there’s nothing a therapist could tell me right now that would make me feel better. I feel sad about everything…my life, my future, my best friend since 7th grade and how she’s getting back with her crappy shitty manipulative psycho lunatic ex boyfriend, my boyfriend who I love but hate all his annoying habits and general behavior, my unsupportive family who I haven’t even told I’m taking antidepressants because my mother would judge and criticize me, my brother called me a bitch christmas eve because I told his wife to quit wearing her feelings on her sleeve….Ive never felt so loved.

It hurts so very much badly to feel like I’m utterly alone when I’m surrounded by people I’m supposed to be closest to

I have been so bored lately since my husband is never home trying to start up his new business that I purposely leave my blinds open while I get ready for bed at night.The teenage boy next door watches me evry night.

and i wish
we could have stood a chance
we failed the test of time
11 months 11 days that’s all we had
don’t get me wrong
i cherished every day
the promises i made were better off kept to myself
i’m sorry i pushed you away

I fucking hate waiting for smoke. God dammit hurry up already.

I like you. A lot. And yes, we both know it. But you think you love her, don’t you? Do you not see how much it hurts me to watch you two kiss in front of me? Do you not see me blush when you look at me, do you not notice me staring, do you not understand that it kills me to watch you pretend I’m not here?

Obviously you don’t, or I wouldn’t be in so much pain.
Or maybe you do, but you just don’t care.
Oh, of course you don’t care! Why would I ever think otherwise?

Maybe because a girl can dream.
And dream I damn well will do.

Je ne suis pas renoncer, de sorte que vous n’avez pas. Je ne suis pas si ce que tu veux alors cessez de me le dire, me dire la vérité. ive t’ai attendu pour beaucoup de choses. Mon esprit devient le meilleur de moi ces derniers jours, je ne sais pas combien de couchers de soleil i peut supporter de voir sans vous. Parlez-en à moi, et pas ici. Ce site n’est rien d’autre pause tragédie et coeur, de la confusion. Je ne le faut, mon cœur trop fort. Cette guerre, ils nous ont donné, nous vaincrons. ensemble. Je vous aime, je l’ai toujours voulu dire.

I don’t know why I have to want him so bad. You’d think that having the most perfect husband in the world would be enough for me.

Being happy and being in a good relationship really aren’t the same thing.I love my bf dearly, I love him so much that it aches my heart to think of leaving him…but that’s what I really want. I want nothing more than to break free and runaway because I hate our relationship, even though I’ve loved you more than anyone…

I was with you every day for 4 years, but since you broke up with me, I feel like there’s this huge void in my life now. I don’t feel so complete anymore. I guess I didn’t deserve you anyway and to be honest, you’ll be better off without me. Still, that doesn’t stop me from missing you and missing what we had.

There is no future with us. There will never be a future.