Confessions

I think hilary clinton is hot, she looks like she can teach me a lesson

I just realized I’m fucked up.
When I escaped self-hatred I finally felt normal.
But now I’m back to it.
I’m addicted, because I think it makes me an interesting person.
Well how damn messed up am I.

No one will ever love me for me.
I don’t.
There is no reason to.
I’m just being rational.

im still emotionally fucked up from a relationship that ended over a year ago. I still love him even though he was emotionally abusive. My self esteem is still lower than low becuase of the negative thoughts he placed in my head. i litterally hate myself and love the creator of this shallow shell he made of me……idk how much longer i can break myself down…

If I don’t like you, it’s because your boyfriend is a douchebag. And it reflects on you greatly.

I’m a little freaked out- I’ve been winked at 3 times since yesterday, and “darlin’”-ed and “honey”-ed by every man I’ve talked to. And my boss has been in a great mood. What’s going on, men of the world? Keep ignoring me, it’s less confusing.

I wanna get slapped and dominated by an older woman.

It sounds stupid, but I feel damaged from moving so much as a kid.

I can’t remember much of the past. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t get close to anyone for too long. I get this horrible urge to run away. I get bored with where I am and how things are if they don’t change…I’m afraid I’ll never be able to settle and my kids will feel like this.

I feel like a left-over piece from a puzzle.

It hurts, even though it’s really stupid…

I know I’m overweight – and am working on losing it. I just can’t help feeling so damn ugly most days. I know I’m not the kind of woman that stirs a man’s passions – though I want to be. I want to be the kind of woman who, years from now, when he talks about me, remembers me fondly with that wistful look on his face.

I used to be fairly good loner. I loved to have the house to myself – I was always making some sort of creative project.

Now I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid of what I’ll end up doing if I’m alone. I’m gay and I hate myself for it. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t want to. Yet I feel so isolated. Tonight I came so close to just getting some guy off of Craigslist… I never thought I would stoop to such a horrendous level. I hate myself.

I want to practice the ballad with you again. That has to be the highlight of my marching career. You’re really something special. 🙂

I was either an incredibly depressed kid in high school, or I was high more often than I remembered.

Maybe both? Either way, I still can’t listen to Radiohead.

I hope I helped give a bad week a better ending for you. I know you’ve definitely done so for me many times, including this one. I also wish we could have just kept on going.

I miss you everyday. It kills me more than you will ever know
-N

Listening to my mom type sends me into an insane hulk rage. Woman, you are not using a typewriter! You don’t have to hit the keys so hard!

ignorance is stupidity personified.

therefore, you’d do a hell of a job shutting the f*ck up.
maybe you’ll finally learn a thing or two and sound less like an ignorant dumbass.

i never want to be one of those pathetic relationship people, being in love isnt a personality trait, bleh you people disgust me.

we’re supposed to put up a front, a mask to hide all our insecurities. i look strong and confident, i know. people trust me and the decisions i make.

but i admit, i get times where all i can think about is how long this life feels. times where i want to curl into a ball and let all my insecurities loose. i can’t be strong all the time.

but i can’t do that. i think of the future instead, my dreams and responsibilities. i always hated pity parties and victimizers.

but at times like this, i wish you were here to tell me that everything’s going to be okay. to reassure me that i can do this life. that it’ll be like “flying colors.”

i miss the smell of your aftershave. your warm embrace, your big hands encasing mine.

i miss you beside me. you’re so far away..

I need a hug more than anything right now, but everytime I hug someone I feel sick to my stomach.

I’m glad to have a job, but God, I hate the web design/office tech combo.