Confessions

I have an irrational fear of confessing

Man I wanna talk to you right now, but I wouldn’t know what to say.. Well I would. I dont really see any way of doing that unless in person right now and well the last time fell through.

My eating disorder is back. My bf knows and my friends are worried. They analyze everything I do or eat and how much of it.. Like If i have to eat because of my friends than I’ll just eat until i get full and then when I come home I throw it all up(Remember that if you do throw up, you need to throw it all up until you see water or blood).. I try to avoid eating though. I cant stop this alone I know I need help again.

Now I understand the revulsions from my mere touch.

I hope you can’t stop thinking about me NOW and it’s making your life miserable. You really hurt me, yet we are still friends. I just hope I haunt u forever.

I feel like such a pathetic child for caring about it so much but I feel offended that you don’t want to talk to me anymore as much as you used to

All I wanted out of high school was to make the damn all state choir. Everything sucks.

The kiss still lingers on my lips, even after more than a month. I said some pretty nasty things to you, and you have no idea how sorry I am for that. I’m a bitch who has some things to work out in life.
I will NEVER forget you. I really did care. More than you ever know.
I love you. Always have, always will.

Agh! I can’t stop thinking about you and it is interfering with my life!!!

” Everyone has their own ways of expression” — What’s yours?

…what’s mine?
ah..how i wish i could find it..
or maybe i have found it?

It’s so hard to describe something, or to even understand something; it’s so hard to tell how i feel; it’s hard to tell people that i am glad ; they are alive, they are in happiness; their lives are plain; they live just fine

How to tell them..that i am happy if they are happy too

or how to tell myself..
even though i hate this world so much for being so cruel..

i wish there’s a part where destruction leads to an end..

i think i probably give up almost everything now, am i?
maybe not, maybe yes

there’s this song i have been listening to, and i don’t know the lyrics
but by how voices are presented, the feelings and all
probably i have received…

i have a question to them : What is it feels like to have someone keep re-looping your singing, especially day and night? Do you feel happy?

i wish you do..

i have lots of questions , and it keeps adding
even if i think i have the answers, but i can’t prove it
whether it’s true or it’s not

does it matter?

i admit that my language is too simple to be confused, and sometimes people don’t know what i am writing about;
sometimes i don’t even understand it myself

too simple, i guess? haha…

academic students; and then i need to have more fixed words for certain parts..
i guess i fail as a student
i didn’t reach that high

and i whine a lot ahaha…

there’s a dream i wanted to have and always do, in my heart:
i wish there’s another world where peaceful is always happen; everyone is so happy and tears are for the joys; everyone works ideally;
no matter what hardships they have, they always have a smile on it
they laugh , they relax, they have fun with their lives

there will be deaths, but they smile when they die
they will vanish, they will not forget, this peaceful land they used to have

there will be no enemies, they will not harm anything including the peoples of themselves
there will be no ethnicity, there will be no race
there will only be smile
where there are pains but the pains are the struggles to survive
to learn, to make mistakes, to apologize and to be friends again
and to smile again and stand up again

i might sound like being brainwashed, but deep down
i have longed parted with this reality that i am living right now

i might really not able to live this world after all
right now i wonder how will i die
hopefully not a cruel death

do i sound coward?
ahaha…sorry about that

I don’t really enjoy sex with my boyfriend, but I do it as much as possible (at least once a day) just to stop him getting off with someone else.

I’ve cheated on him with 5 different people in the 18 months we’ve been together, and the sex with all of them was much better.

I lied about my age to get a guy to cyber with me on omegle. It was dirty and disgusting but I loved it. I’d never done it before but I might want to again. I just wish my dad hadn’t come in so I could’ve kept going with that guy.

I have never felt worse than this in my life, i cant fucking describe this feeling.

ok, fuck. I know porn isn’t the answer and it won’t fix this. I know its a temporary escape and the feeling is only temporary and thats why I want it. what do i win by resisting? who good does it mean if I’m doomed to sin again? i’m tired of giving a shit about what any of it means and trying to figure out if any of it adds up. this fucking message falls upon deaf ears. i need emotion to function. i’m not a faker. I ‘m isolated and I have nothing more to draw on so the only emotion I can convey in my song is contempt and frustration and negativity of varying degrees. its why everything i say is a complaint or a whine. its why so many of us are on a fucking webpage cryiong out for someone to hear us. a like is not lasting validation. give me god damned connection. I’m sick of dancing around the words. so sick of dancing but the hesitationnremains. I can’t give it all up because i can’t give up who I am. if I’m anything. fuuuuuuuuck, twitch spaz itch cunt fuck. i’d like to punch you in a face and then give you a hug right afterwards. i want you to know why. I want you to see evry reason. thought goes into everything and I cant swoth it off. fuck you again. fuck you as much as i fucking love you. i don;t mean you as you but as fucking everyone. I love people but you’ve left me alone!there is no one who sees me anymore because I have removed muyself. am i growing? is thisfucking balance? where the god damned fucking cock light at the end of this tunnel? and why the fuck do i feel like there will be a new one right after i’m outside of this one?????????

The person i have been in love with for 6 years has broken my heart tonight.
They no longer care/love/want to be with me at all anymore.
I feel like someone has died, and i am crying and shaking so much that i can barely write this.
Life is horrendously cruel.
I need you, so bad, what am i going to do.
I want to die right now, please something make this pain go away.

The worst part is, I know I could get over you…time does heal all wounds. But I don’t want to get over you, you are what i want.
I would rather die than be with anyone who is not you.

I dont burn bridges with people in my life people that I love that love me and I never have, I dont want to know anybody that does. Im not acting like someones friend all the while hating them for something they dont know about and still dont…at least thats what this feels like. I dont turn my back on anyone and let them go on thinking and doing all the things I ask that only a good friend would do. I dont forget a friend thats always been there that never once gave up on me. Good friends talk when theres a problem, when they tell you they know something is wrong because they care. Years of friendship of believing youre my friend actually means something to me. I have no doubt I love you maybe more than ive ever loved anyone and I always will. I never stopped being a good friend, never. You and your friendship means more to me than anything in the world. Did any of it matter. I dont know why I came back here earlier today, my words are never clear and its never helped before. Being here instead of talking face to face is wrong I dont do this anymore. Dont you get it…I love you and I miss you so fucking much. Yes, it hurts.

I truely do want to be dead. I know its selfish because others have it worse, but I just can’t relate to people, and I don’t have anything going for me. The only time I’m happy is when I slip into my daydreams where I’ve actually made something for myself. I just feel like I’m trapped and that there’s nothing I can do.

I have the best boyfriend I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him;
But I miss my ex.
I wish I could feel what I felt with him.
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain.

My boyfriend is twice the man my ex will ever be.

you don’t know how much it means to me, to have your friendship. I wish i could say that about other people!

<- You - Burned Bridge - Me ->

It hurts.