Confessions

I thought this was it, I thought I was finally free of all this. I am not and I am scared to death that I won’t make it. That my brain chemistry is going to win over all the work I have done to make my life better.

stop hating me damnit

I wish i could prove everything; when i was denied access when i came back when im here when im not when i was or wasnt when i only read and everything ive ever written. Just knowing that i wish i could prove it knowing i probably cant hurts me but it never hurt me or angered me as much as knowing i shouldnt of had to.

I need to build something new. I’m just afraid of being alone with my thoughts…memories that haunt me.

My only regret is losing you.

I’m often on the edge of insanity and I enjoy it. Lots of brilliant people in history have been here.

I love you.

Im so use to just being with you. You mean everything to me and I cant ever see that changing. Even after everything, I still want you to be my first and only.

Forever and ever.

I love you.

Sometimes I come here, write a confession
erase it all,
write another,
erase it, and finnally write a last one and post,
or erase.
This post was originally about how I’m feeling suicidal.
Then it was about my ex girlfriend.
Now, it’s about both, and how I erase it all multiple times.

I do the same thing every day.
I cannot speak to people.
I struggle with unresolved depression.
And schizophrenia that is starting to set in.
I wish I could tell someone about this,
I want to tell someone how I fell, but
I don’t don’t to bother people with my stupid problems.
And I don’t have anyone to care, about my stupid problems.
And if there is nobody to care, about my stupid problems,
then why am I still here?
I’m here, because I can’t do it.
I can’t.
Because, I’d rather deal with all this pain, than have to bother you with me not being here.
That’s it. I can’t kill myself, because it would bother you.
And that simply cannot happen.

Maybe I just need some peyote.

I feel so alone in this world….

Ultimately I want one thing but I don’t know how to get it.

I hate being your girlfriend, let’s see how this turns out!

perfect compatibility doesn’t mean anything, either you and the other person love each or not.
You can’t force love.
Love is different, it’s not recognized, unsensed, unknown
you’ll know when you love someone, despite their flaw

People are like puzzle pieces, both pieces may not be the same, but they fit together.
Same with love, it’s different, nothing can be perfect, if it’s perfect then something is wrong.

You know when you love someone, and when you do, you’ll know what to say and you won’t be able to describe how you feel as it’ll be hard, but hell you’ll try to anyway.

I let him know how to control me ultimately unknowingly gave him instructions on how to do it perfectly. I thought I had the upper hand but really I am his puppet because I love.

I FUCKING HATE HARRY POTTER
IT’S FUCKING STUPID!
Fucking brainless twats!

Fuck, it’s so unoriginal and stupid, Gandalf can kick Dumbledore’s ass.
urgh, I hate it!

Although the layout of this website is plain and kind of boring, I love it. It’s nice to have one website I can go on during class without worrying about fellow students judging me.

I don’t miss you, I don’t even care about you
I just miss the moments we had together
that’s what makes me sad
remembering the moments that I wished lasted forever.

Either way, I don’t love you
I just want the feeling of being loved, being happy, and knowing if I were to die it be by your side and what a lovely way to die.
It’s nice, knowing someone out there loves you, so you don’t feel as lonely as you are in this dark, cold world.

My eating disorder is going out of control

I feel like I’m breaking something beautiful. Why does it have to be this way?

I poured my heart out to you and you basically shrugged and said, “That’s nice. Maybe I’ll feel the same way later.”

Fuck you.