God, I love him and was not prepared to. I am angry at myself for being so stupid. The timing is all wrong and it makes me crazy to the point of just being pissed at the universe. If he feels the same, he is doing a damn good job of not giving the slightest hint. This also makes me crazy, even though I know why he would want to stay away. I really have an inherent love of life, so why do I just want to kick everyone who seems so damned happy? I am going insane. I need valium. That is messed up too.