I doodled a doodle of a naked bondage chick (meant to be me) on some toilet paper while I was using the bathroom yesterday, planning to flush it once I was done. I have a fantasy of being tied up and gagged by my boyfriend. We talk about it all the time but we’ve never done it, because we plan to wait til marriage. I forgot to flush the doodle and left it on the bathroom counter. My mother and sister both must have seen it, though neither one confronted me. I feel so horrified and upset by this. I do NOT want this secret part of myself to be exposed to them. I’ve been horribly depressed all day today and now its even worse. I shouldn’t feel guilty for having sexual urges and fantasies, but I do. I didn’t start exploring my sexual side til the age of 22, because of my shame. Now I feel like I’m back to square one.
24/f