I’ve been having a weird time mentally, my mental health hasn’t been great. Ive not wanted to do anything, I feel pain inside, I’ve spent 9 months trying to just exist and not look too weird in front of people but it was my fault this happened.
I don’t know why I am staying with my boyfriend. He doesn’t love me any more.
The more I think about it, the more I think everything he has said has been a lie. A lie to just keep him happy and able to survive.
And I feel stupid for trying to be honest and believe him. He’s hurt me (I hurt him too but tried to make up for it and I have apologised) but the relationship was damaged and gone and dead. Why did I even listen to him when I felt like I needed someone to love me so much?
He carried on and it felt like he left me emotionally for someone else. But I had no one, and I carried on seeing him even though I’d say I needed him to like me, and he’d just say, I do. When I never felt that way that he did. But then he’d shout to me that that was my fault and it’s all in my head.
I want to get away from him and find someone who really loves me. Who takes care of me, and actually buys me gifts once in a while. I’m a woman, I haven’t had a random gift from him that isn’t a takeaway meal in 2 years.
I just feel so messed up from everything. But he refuses to say sorry for times he’s hurt my feelings and refuses to accept any blame in anything thats gone wrong.
How do you deal with someone who refuses to meet in the middle. He obviously feels like he is owed something. So I kissed someone else, ages ago. He wasn’t emotionally there for me then, and he doesn’t understand me now.