You discouraged me, again and again, from frivolous, chit-chat conversations. You are okay with me calling or stopping in when I really need something, but I don’t feel a call just to talk would be at all welcomed by you. Am I right? Wrong? I don’t even like to call when I need something now because if someone only called me when they needed something, I think I would feel used after a while. I am not so needy anymore. I have many others that I can call, but it’s you that I find myself wishing I could talk to. Why? I find such a rich treasure trove in each conversation. We are both full of knowledge, experience and even wisdom. We strengthen and very much sharpen each other. All that just makes it harder to understand the wall, the avoidance, between us. I don’t have to consume you, nor would I want you to consume me. *sigh* I hear the words “emotionally unavailabe”. Is that you? Me? Both of us? Neither of us? An explainable, unbreakable bond holds me near, yet an unscalable wall holds me out! Resignation has been my method to avoid the threatening madness of it all. WHAT IS THIS THING???????????????????????????????????????????? Fear, Love, Hatred, Repulsion, Brokeness, Wisdom, Rejection?????? Enough for now. Its buried here to dwell on no more tonight. On to things more productive. If only. . .
