I have this problem where because I am so alone, I feel this strong attraction to almost any girl that laughs at my jokes and is interested in what I say. These instances happen so few and far between that I feel as though I will never get a girlfriend. Sure I want to lose my virginity but I really want to have experiences with her. Really I just want to cuddle on a couch, have a thing we do where we play with our feet together while watching some movie.
Maybe we go out to eat for her birthday, we go back to her or my house, whichever one is more convenient, and just have a romantic evening. I missed a large part of high school by not having that experience. There’s two months left, all I can do now is wallow in it.
And wallow I will, by myself, isolated on prom night. Breaking the promise I made to myself not to just lose my virginity like I tell some kids, but really broke the promise I made to be happy. I’ve been perpetually unhappy, and my junior high school insecurity followed me for too long into regular high school. I’m far over that now, and I just want to be friends with some of the people I thought would consider me an outcast.
Just build the pieces, one piece at a time. It’s all worthless though, there isn’t time to build real friendships, at least not for a social retard like myself. Even my brother has best friends. I just need to stop thinking about this for five seconds.