Notes to self:
Feel fractured
Feel trapped.
Be self loathing.
Remember what it was like to be thirteen.
Try to kill yourself when you were thirteen.
Romanticize it
Have a breakdown.
Call a suicide hot line- hang up.
Never let her know about it.
Make sure that your past ties your guts up.
Now think
Does it make you feel tight?
good
Make sure you think about how you could be living
So you can’t enjoy how you are living.
Make sure that past lover still dwells on your mind.
Think about her
then don’t
Then do- late at night, most nights.
When you’re feeling tight.
So tight you can’t breathe.
Want to tell everyone
Tell no one
A cry for help or a cry for attention?
Never cry, just be tight.
Just feel anxious.
Just want to touch her when you see her
Because you want to feel how you did.
And it has nothing to do with her and everything
To do with you
and how tight you are
inside
Want her because you want to be happy again
She wouldn’t make you happy again.
