I am not good enough for anyone in my life. I don’t have a positive impact on them, and they don’t enjoy my company at all. I’m a burden to them while I’m just being myself. I’ve tried so hard to make them all happy, but even when I’m trying it never works. Everything I do seems to make people unhappy and I’m sick of all my actions being seen as mistakes. Every little thing I do is the wrong thing to do. they all get mad at me for whatever happens. It never used to be like this. But now even my mum gets upset and starts screaming at me that she’ll commit suicide and it will be because of me, that I could make anyone want to kill themselves. Nice huh? And I’m just that normal 17 year old girl, living on your normal suburban street.
I used to think maybe it was just those people that would be unhappy no matter what. That I was normal and should try not to get too upset about it. As it happens more and more I see it’s me that affects people. I can’t measure up to anyone’s expectations, there’s huge disappointment when I don’t. That is why I try to hard to be invisible, to disappear. I remove myself from everyone’s lives so they can live in peace without me. This won’t help me out at all, but I have to admit this somewhere. I have to say the words that have been stuck in my head for so long and own up to it.