I think about him every minuet of everyday. I wish I was exaggerating, but unfortunately I’m not. Everywhere I look, I am reminded of him, I can’t look at someone else and not compare them to him. I feel like a fucking crazy person, it’s like he’s haunting me. I barely even knew him, but I knew him enough to be near him and not feel uncomfortable, not flinch when he brushed my hair off my face and held my hand while we gushed about comic books most notorious anti-hero. I know I’m annoying everyone around me, I know they want me to just get over it like I’ve gotten over those before him. Thing is, I’ve never had this problem. I’ve never been able to say that i don’t’ want anyone else. He’s amazing, talented, every kind of cool, smart, funny, he loves space and sci-fi, he goes to the gym and feels like an outcast because everyone else there is a candidate for Jersey Shore and he’s far from that. He has countless tattoos and all of them are grey and white, because he is bothered by mixing colour with grey and white. He has an awkward haircut so he wears hats and bandannas everywhere, I usually hate that but he makes it his own. He’s charming and sweet and opens the car door for me. He loves the bands I love, and plays my favourite songs on second dates on my first guitar. He respects sex, even though he could have almost any girl really. He loves his job, and makes good money. He play’s guitar low slung and sultry, with a vicious bite in his voice to make the floor beneath the girls in the front row shake and tremor. I’m at the back of the club, taking it all in, admiring his unintentional swagger and smirking when he trips over his patch cord. He has me whole heartedly, no questions asked not a second of hesitation but he can’t let go of the girl who doesn’t want a thing to do with him. The very same girl who kicked his heart to the curb for someone he thought was loyal. I wish I could stop this, I feel sick, dizzy and turned around, lost in a sea of desperate conversations I have with myself, wishing it was him replying instead of my own madness. I never thought this would happen to me, I never thought I’d be so hung up on someone I was hardly with; I didn’t even fall in love. I never thought I’d be going through your old pictures, trying to find a face to put to a name I don’t have of someone who has your heart. I want to let go of that last glimmer of hope that maybe, you want to be with me more than anyone else, that maybe you think yourself to sleep about me, tossing and turning in bed alone, wishing you could let go too.
I wish you chose me, more than anything.