someone showed me this site so here’s my first and only confession, where I let out what I don’t ever articulate to anyone because it’s about something that I find too personal or embarassing, my parents.
It’s a damn shame my parents are so simply fucked up.
I also don’t understand why they had me when they are so incapable of connecting with their own and only child.
I’m not a child anymore, I’m 23 now. I missed the best parts of being young and my teenage years were lamentable.
I finally live with flat-mates, I work part time and I go to university. I finally get to live a little and not be holed up behind those doors bored out of my mind and without a penny to find a way to distract myself. Constantly parroted by my mother’s virtues and guidance and having to listen to my father’s stupid opinions. It was so, so sad.
It’s funny how thinking and talking about my parents like this is making my insides just feel intense sadness for myself. As though I find my parents extremely depressing. I feel as though my parents other than putting a roof over my head and feeding my meals, have done nothing but negative things to me mentally and socially. I want to say I hate them. I feel as though I don’t need them and never will.
I feel bad for my mother.
And now I take a moment, to think of the most beautiful thing I had that I lost through my own actions, and I wonder if my mother would feel such regret like I did. And still do when I let myself think about it….anyway I think I’ll finish this by saying:
To anyone out there who wants love, companionship, children, a family..be honest. And be human. To those that have children, treat them like people and with some respect for who they are. Life is meant to be beautiful. Not hopeless.