I just wonder whats holding me back. Career-wise, things are picking up. I feel like I’m working, I feel like I’m a valid adult. And thats wonderful.
But I feel like I’ve lived my life, a shell of what it could have been. Sure, maybe living some of those things through might’ve been stupid, but I’d more to tell about than just wanting to live those things. I’m 20 years old, and I don’t have anything to say.
I don’t know whats holding me back from finding something. I don’t know why relationships don’t happen for me. Maybe no one looks long enough to want to. I know I’m pretty, I know I’m confident.
Life is big and wonderful and beautiful if you work for it. I know it is. I’ve touched it. But I’ve never kept it. I want to know what I’m missing, but I don’t know how to step up and take it. I want to know why I feel like its stupid to like someone like him. I want to understand how my standards got so low that I can’t be with someone like him. I want to know why I’m not living.