i’m still totally in love with my ex-girlfriend. but she’s got a new girlfriend, and i’m dating a boy and having all kinds of sex. i wish i was outgoing and confident, because i wouldn’t need him & i could be all kinds of slutty (and i would be). i like sex. i like my boyfriend, too, but. but. i don’t know.

anyway, my ex lives goes to school on the other side of the country but we were both home for thanksgiving this past week/weekend & we spent a lot of time together. talking etc. and oh my god, i had no idea how much i missed girlbodies and girlsex and… well if we hadn’t been dating other people we would’ve had all kinds of sex and it probably ultimately would have been a bad idea but.

anyway we did sleep together in my bed one night, and cuddled, and it was so nice to have my arms around her even for awhile. i had one of those weird half-awake dream kind of things that i kissed her. apparently i really did kiss her arm.

see the thing is… we broke up ’cause she cheated on me. and if we hadn’t broken up things would be all kinds of angsty anyway. so i guess angst is just inevitable.

whoa, i don’t know. how can you love so many people at once? i don’t know if i love my boyfriend. (i feel way guilty about this, especially since when we first got together i told him i would be completely up front esp about my feelings for my ex.) but i do like the sex. a lot.