Pretending this is grouphug, and not notepad. Pretending this is being read as soon as i’m done, not later. Stopping myself from drinking and driving to just another boys house. Stopping myself from drinking anymore, period. I don’t see you anymore. You ran away, when i’m not delutional, i’m not that bad. I have self esteem isssues. Who doesn’t? When i drink…i see you, i hear you, i think you. You’re everywhere I’m not, and i’m reminded of that constantly day after day. Stopping myself from texting you. From iming you. From driving to your house, wondering what the fuck i must have done to make you blantalty stop all contact with me once i left your bed, after we didn’t even fuck. Just kissed. Barely. Just slept, as you clung onto me. I’m trying to sleep through the alcohol..trying to shake it off. But none of it makes since. Maybe there is no answer…..
I’m trying. Day after day I’m trying. Pretending..trying not to think. Sleeping. I do that more than anything. I find you still like me in my dreams.