I have only ever remembered fragments of my whole life. Discontinuous emotions and desires all pooled together in a mess of debris.
I imagined that if I lay there long enough I just might compress and compress and compress and all of a sudden tap! I’d be gone.
… like a heavy dread inside of me…
I’m so sorry i’m so sorry i’m so sorry i’m so sorry that I am not good enough
so you liked me for a little while and then discarded me
and now I’m all used up
because I’m not good enough
and i’m sorry and i’m sorry and i’m sorry
and now i won’t eat won’t eat won’t eat.
it’s good for me.