On whatever level it is, and for whatever reason, I do want you. Maybe it’s time I stop rationalizing and analyzing the reason. The feelings are still there. I just can’t bring myself to talk to you, but do hope those restricted calls are you. I might never talk to you again, but in the meantime, I just really hope it hurts. The best part is, you don’t have to know. And even if you did, you probably wouldn’t understand. There’s too much to say to you, and unfortunately the most effective way to convey these messages is through silence.
I can’t say I like you for you. I probably don’t. I can sit here like everyone else on this site and say “If you weren’t such an asshole, we/it/you would be great,” but the truth is, I’m pretty sure I only “like” you BECAUSE you were a douchebag. I just have the self-awareness to know the difference.
At least I know I’ll get over it, whether something happens in the future or not. I’m just waiting to reach that point where I genuinely don’t care.