so… years ago(4 or 5) i cheated on my girlfriend (i kissed another girl). she found out somehow (confided my guilt with a friend who was a bitch) and we broke up after 2 years of dating.
She was my first girlfriend and my best girlfriend. All other girls are stupid and it pisses me off.
I know i was wrong to cheat on her, and i know it was “all my fault” we broke up, but i can’t help feel like there was a reason i cheated on her in the first place. She was a heinous bitch after a while and her mother was a woman so evil and lacking compassion i think the only reason she had children was either because she got knocked up and had to or because she like being in control of someone’s life.
I wrote down all the the things she did to piss me off and it’s a good thing too because i have a terrible memory and i would frequently forget about things that made me mad and only remember the things that made me happy…
Now that we’re broken up it makes me feel better to read them over and thing about how lucky i am not to be with her anymore 🙂
But i still feel guilty about cheating on her and wish i had dealt with my feelings in a different way.
I also feel as if I’ve cursed myself relationship wise… or maybe this is just self fulfilling prophecy where i think I’m not going to have another meaningful relationship therefor i wont.
I just want to find someone i can connect with like i did with her 🙁
over 3 years being single… this is frustrating