I’ve given up. I have submitted completely to the autonomation that is the corporate, consumerist world. I have no want to share my life with another human being. I have been used up and dried out and I cannot wait until the day I die.
I gave and gave, and when I didn’t have anything left, I gave again and again. They took from me all I had, and it was never enough for any of them. None of them were a good fit and none of them want me. Nobody ever will. I’m worn out. I hate people so much that the caring I used to have is now gone.
I used to care so much. I cared so much that it hurt. I cared about others, I wanted to share my life with others, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be loved. But nobody else wanted that from or for me. Nobody ever found me good enough.
And so I will fade into the corporate world, working for a large company, where I will be a faceless machine, sitting in front of a computer that will probably have more personality than I do before too long. What I do doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters anymore.
I’m 21.